Couples Therapy in the Algarve
I’m Bryn O’Reilly, an English-speaking clinical psychologist. I offer couples therapy at my practice in Quarteira, a short drive from Vilamoura, Loulé, Almancil, Albufeira and Faro, and online.
When a Couple Comes to See Me
By the time a couple comes to see me, one or both partners have usually begun to realise how disappointed they are: in each other, in themselves, or in their lives. Skirting around that disappointment is no longer possible. By this stage, one or both may have stopped caring how they behave, what they say, or what they do and don’t do. Each can feel suddenly alone inside the relationship, and for many people that feeling stirs up older experiences of loneliness and pain.
The couples who do best are those who can see that they have fallen into despair, and may even have given up, yet can still remember the why and the when of their early love. There is always hope in couples therapy, even when the first thing a couple feels is despair.
How Couples Lose Their Way
It starts in the ordinary course of a life. Our instinct to care for our partner gets crowded out by other things that matter: bills, school runs, business trips, differences over parenting, the loss of one’s health. A couple does not need much to lose their way, especially where there are parts of each person’s emotional world that have never seen the light of day. Left unexamined, these can enter the relationship and begin to dismantle what the couple has tried to build.
Sooner or later, even the best relationships head towards some sharp rocks. How a couple deals with that often matters more than the content of their disappointments.
How I Work With Couples
Every couple is different, and every couple affects me differently, so it is hard to say at the outset exactly how the work will go. In general, I am direct and straightforward with the people in front of me. I am fairly allergic to either partner trying to win me over, and when that happens it soon becomes part of our conversation. I try to keep the disappointments evenly balanced between you, so that neither of you is left carrying them alone.
Each of us is complex, and that complexity multiplies when two people are together and in love, or once were. I try to honour that without taking shortcuts. My aim is to help you both see the obstacle that stands between you, and then learn how to move beyond it towards greater freedom. This is a process, and it takes time.
Couples in a New Country
Working in Portugal has been an eye-opener. I see a melting pot of cultures, histories, languages and financial circumstances here, and it has surprised me how often a move abroad is part of what a couple is struggling with. Compared with the relative stability of the couples I used to see in South Africa, there is a great deal of change in people’s lives here. Finding our way beneath all those layers can be a challenge, but it is one I find meaningful and rewarding.
Who I See
Couples of all shapes and sizes, colours and creeds, married or not, and at any stage of a relationship.
Practical Details
Most of my couples work takes place in person, on the comfy couch in my consulting room in Quarteira. I also offer sessions online. Sessions last 55 minutes and cost €75. The introductory call is free.
