Therapy for Expats in the Algarve
I’m Bryn O’Reilly, an English-speaking clinical psychologist in Quarteira. I work with people who have moved to the Algarve from abroad and are finding the adjustment harder than they expected. My clients have relocated from many different countries, including fellow South Africans.
Why Moving Countries Overwhelms Us
To feel safe in the world, we rely on a degree of predictability. Most of this happens without our noticing. We do not have to think about the sun rising in the morning, and, in much the same way, our days run on countless small patterns and feedback loops we have long since stopped noticing.
Moving countries disrupts many of those patterns all at once. Familiar tasks require more thought, and things we once took for granted become uncertain. When so much needs to be worked out at the same time, everyday life can feel overwhelming.
As the pioneering neuropsychologist Mark Solms writes in his book The Only Cure, “Memory is about the past but it is for the future.” We draw on previous experience to anticipate what will happen and decide what to do next. In a new country, we still have that experience, but we cannot always rely on it in the same way. We have yet to build up memories of how things work here.
Consider something as ordinary as buying milk. Back home, you probably reached for a familiar brand without much thought. In a new supermarket, the labels, brands and varieties may be unfamiliar. Which one will taste right in your coffee? You make a choice, try it and learn something. Next time, that experience helps you decide whether to buy it again or try another brand.
It is a small example, but multiply it across shopping, transport, healthcare, paperwork and social encounters, and the demands become easier to understand. Decisions that once felt effortless now require attention. Through repeated experience, unfamiliar options gradually acquire meaning: you learn what suits you, what to expect and what to do differently.
One way of understanding this draws on neuroscientist Karl Friston’s free-energy principle: a theoretical framework in which the brain uses an internal model of the world to anticipate and make sense of what it encounters. Moving countries asks us to revise many of the expectations we once took for granted. Building a working understanding of our new surroundings takes time and experience.
This holds even when you wanted the move and were excited about it. An unfamiliar language, different customs and the loss of established support can make adjustment harder. As you gradually learn how things work and build familiar routines, life can begin to feel more manageable. But this may take longer than you expected.
What It Looks Like Day to Day
People respond to this upheaval in different ways. Some withdraw. Others become irritable or react in ways they do not recognise in themselves. Sleep becomes erratic. Mood drops, or anxiety rises. Some rely more heavily on familiar ways of soothing themselves. There may also be more conflict at home.
People do not always connect these changes to the move. They may arrive in therapy thinking that something is wrong with them or with their marriage. Adjustment can be an important part of the picture, even when other difficulties also need attention. Struggling with an enormous amount of change is not a personal failing.
When One of You Has Settled and the Other Has Not
Partners do not always adjust at the same pace. One may settle well ahead of the other. This can be unfamiliar territory for a couple whose relationship has never been tested in quite this way.
One partner may want to go home while the other is thriving. The couple can find themselves at an impasse, with neither knowing how to move forward without asking the other to give up something important. Helping couples find a way through these differences is a large part of my work here. You can read more about how I work with couples.
How I Work Alongside You
My first task is to recognise and understand what you are going through. Sometimes the most useful thing is to name the experience and understand why it makes sense in your circumstances. Sometimes it is to give time and space to the particular difficulties you are struggling with most.
Often, this also means making room for mourning. Building a life in a new country can be emotionally demanding. So much has changed around you that it is possible to feel stuck, miserable, anxious or low about a move you chose and wanted. You may need space to grieve the life you left behind, even as you begin to value the one you are building.
Small Ways to Rebuild Predictability
Alongside therapy, there are practical steps I have found helpful in making the transition. Each can offer a little more familiarity, connection or routine.
- Find a local support group.
- Join a WhatsApp group for your area.
- Join a club or regular activity, such as a local padel group.
- Study the language with others, giving yourself both a regular routine and opportunities to connect.
- Set up regular contact with family and friends back home.
You do not have to do all of these at once. One manageable, regular activity can be a place to start.
I Have Made This Move Myself
I moved from South Africa to Portugal in 2024. So I have not only studied this. I have lived it.
Your experience will be your own, but I understand something of what it takes to begin again in an unfamiliar place.
Practical Details
I offer therapy in English, in person at my practice in Quarteira, near Vilamoura, and online. My practice is also accessible from Loulé, Almancil, Albufeira and Faro.
Sessions last 55 minutes and cost €65 for individuals and €75 for couples and families. The introductory call is free.
If you would like to explore whether we could work together, you can arrange an introductory call.
